pride

These past few months, i realized how pride can really get your way and how pride can be the most stupid thing that can prompt you to do things you know you'll eventually regret at the end. I've come to realize how proud i can be especially in expressing myself. Something i thought i couldn't do because of my tendencies of being very shy. But when i really think about it, i am not shy at all instead proud. I cannot humble myself to start conversations, to ask favors from teachers (i thought i was just afraid to bother them, part of it maybe) but mostly, i was afraid to approach people because of the fear of being rejected, for being humiliated. I realized that i cannot take any one of those even for the most important things. I'd rather let it go than go out of my way and ask favors and approach people and humble myself. I realized how much i am having trouble expressing my feelings towards people, afraid of "mushy" stuffs simply because it may mean lowering myself, admitting to these people that they do affect me and i do care. There would be times that i would lower myself, be humble, depending on the kind of mood i have. This is not something good. Because i admit that due to my proud self, i may have hurt feelings of people (although i may not know it) . Also, it is because of this proud self that i have missed out a lot of opportunities to express to people how i really feel, and then regret at the end, because i will never know if i will ever again have the chance to say it or to express it.

Sometimes, it seems that there are certain things that are bound to happen, just for us to realize our mistakes. As if some things "should" happen, because we learn from them and we grow from them. When i was younger, i've always told myself that i will live my life without any regrets. Then, i still hadn't any regrets and then on, i was very careful in making decisions and tried to take account of every possible positive and negative effect of such decision. And everything seemed to happen as how i wanted them to, as if i wouldn't have chosen otherwise. But i realized that if i really was able to live my life without any regrets in the future, then my life would be close to perfection, and by then it won't be as meaningful. Now, i wouldn't want to live life that way. I want to live a life with risks, with regrets, with tears and with laughters.

Life is too short for us to pass every moment not telling the people we love that we love them. If we passed a moment keeping our feelings to ourselves, we'd never know if there would be again another chance for us to show them. It may be too late or even never. Or maybe simply showing them would have made all the difference.

Pride is different from Dignity. For dignity, is not letting people step on you, which is different from being proud because you think that you don't need help, when you actually do and or not telling people you care because they just might take you for granted and or worst, reject you.

" Pride is the root of all evil."